with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
