Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
