i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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