we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
