Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Randomize
