my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
