Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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