Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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