lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Randomize
