i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
