I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
