and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
