I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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