Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
