On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
