The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
birth control should be required to get into college
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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