Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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