my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
