I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
