How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Randomize
