Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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