Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
