The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
