last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
