If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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