its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
