So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
