that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Randomize
