There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
