i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Randomize
