i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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