This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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