Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Randomize
