I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
