I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
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