the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
