hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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