you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
My bed smells like the plague
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
