just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
I see more hoeing in ur future
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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