My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
