Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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