I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
