Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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