is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Randomize
