You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
