im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
