I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
