I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
