I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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