This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Randomize
